Three Bullets

Three bullets is a modern take on the famous Buddha’s story of two arrows. If you have not heard of that story, here it is.

Under the shade of the Bodhi tree, Buddha shared a profound tale. "Imagine a man struck by an arrow," he began. "The sharp pain he feels is unavoidable, representing life's inevitable suffering. But then, as he agonizes over his fate, he is struck by a second arrow. This arrow, unlike the first, is created by his own mind—his fears, anger, and despair."

Buddha paused, letting the lesson sink in. "The first arrow is the pain we cannot escape. The second arrow is the suffering we inflict upon ourselves through our reactions. While we cannot avoid the first, we can choose to evade the second by accepting life's hardships with calmness and clarity."

Thus, Buddha taught that inner peace arises not from avoiding pain but from mastering our response to it.

The first bullet is what life throws at you, such as losing your job, experiencing a separation, the loss of loved ones, rejection from an interview, dealing with a bad boss, strained relationships, a broken kitchen tap, bad customer service, traffic, pollution, injustice, etc. These are events you encounter every day in your life. In Stephen Covey’s terms, they fall under your ‘area of concern,’ meaning things that impact you but are outside your ‘area of influence.’

If you understand Buddha’s story of the two arrows, it’s clear that the first arrow is often unavoidable, but most suffering stems from the second arrow, which is how you react to these situations. For most people, the two arrows hit so fast that it is difficult to separate them; they collapse the two arrows—the event that happens and your response to it. However, in reality, they are two separate arrows (or bullets): the event and your response to it.

Viktor Frankl, in his book Man's Search for Meaning, discusses the concept of choice. He wrote, "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." His perspective on choice is deeply philosophical and emphasizes that, regardless of external circumstances, individuals always have the power to choose their attitude and response.

Let’s unpack this with an example.

Jane is an experienced Agile Coach who interviewed for an Agile Coach position at a product company. The interview went well, and she was awaiting a positive response. She then received this message: "While the panel was impressed with your skills, experience, and enthusiasm for the role, we found a candidate who we felt was a slightly better fit, so on this occasion, you were unsuccessful."

The first bullet is the rejection: "I got rejected." That first bullet is painful, but what makes it worse is the second bullet, which comes in the form of thoughts like, "Why did they reject me?" and "Am I not good enough?" She received the rejection only once, but the spiral of negative thoughts continues. Buddha's eightfold path can help people avoid the suffering from the second arrow (or bullet).

Now, what about the third bullet? It is the pain created by our imagination and creativity. It is a pattern of thoughts that starts with "What if" or "If only." For example: "What if I lose my job?" "What if I do not get that promotion?" or "If only I had studied at Harvard." "If only I had __." These conversations or thought patterns create anxiety, induce guilt, make you feel miserable, and engulf you in negative energy. This negativity can spread to those around you. This is one of the reasons some workplaces become toxic, as each member gets influenced and contributes to the negativity. This situation is unhealthy and strenuous on your well-being. Over time, you start feeling tired, stressed, and this might lead to depression.

The pain from the third bullet can be avoided by being mindful and grounded in reality. Spending more time with nature and with positive people is one way to avoid the third bullet. Practicing gratitude and living each moment of your life in the present can also help.

In conclusion, while you cannot avoid the first bullet, the second and third bullets can be avoided. As the saying goes, "In life, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional."

References 

THE NOBLE EIGHTFOLD PATH https://www.namchak.org/community/blog/

Man’s Search for Meaning Viktor E. Frankl

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4069.Man_s_Search_for_Meaning

Conversation with Friends, book on philosophy, My own thinking. 

First published at 

https://www.thebystander.org/